My hair has always betrayed me. It has secretly been the story of my adult life. Well for those who understood it was no secret, however, my hair is an expression of what is going on inside me.
This photo depicts what I call "teetering on the brink of sanity". It was the day I took my brothers' razor and literally shaved all my hair off. I was trying to gain control of all the things that was happening in my life, which sad to say I had no control over. This left me with only one option. To take control of the one thing I could at that moment; my hair.
February 18th, 2008 I accompanied my mother to a doctors appointment I forced her to go to. I had attempted and failed to coerce my mother to see a doctor for more than two years. In actuality, my decision to pull out of the Residency Match in 2006 was so I could apply to work in The Bahamas once I graduated medical school. All in an attempt to be closer to mommy and work on her. Why such drastic measures? Well because of certain signs and symptoms my mother exhibited, I feared she had cancer.
This doctors appointment did not soothe my fears but made them worse. At this point I was just sure of it and wallowing in guilt at not being convincing enough to my mother. The thoughts that race in my head started to overwhelm me. "Maybe if I had lied to her and said I wanted her to go with me to be seen by a doctor. Maybe if I had drugged her and dragged her to be seen. Maybe if I paid her money to go and be seen."
February 21st, 2008 my mother was admitted to the hospital for a biopsy. I went into theatre with my mother and my senior, who to this day I feel I owe so much. I had made a promise to this senior, that I would not be the daughter during this ordeal until I had to be the daughter. I would be staunch, and continue being a physician. I tried my best to keep this promise.
Sometime in the days following my mothers biopsy, I got the results before my mother did. I did not tell her as yet, I wanted her doctor to tell her. My mother was told on a Friday morning that she had cancer, and had to go to Nassau (our nations capital) for possible surgery and chemo/radiation. She finally knew what I felt in my gut to be true from 2006. I should have felt relieved of a burden, but my shoulders suddenly felt heavier.
Dr. Erica Cooper daughter of Cynthia Cooper recently diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer couldn't become the supportive daughter. My shoulders felt heavier and heavier as the days went on and plans were being made for travel. I should have felt lighter because now my four brothers knew what I knew and they were there to help. I should have but did not.
The day of my Big Chop came. I no longer remember the exact day or the events leading up to it, I do remember I went to work, I left work and came home. I however, do remember calling Stephen and asking him if I had no hair if he would still love me. This call really wasn't asking for permission. Looking back I think maybe it was a call for help. I felt like I was drowning and turned to the love of my life. Moments after that call my hair lay in the bathroom garbage and I was looking into the eye of a woman I did not recognize.
The big chop gave me what I needed. By shedding my hair I felt like I could handle any and everything. I stood taller, no longer stooped over with the burden of guilt and fear. I felt light and free and stronger. My big chop to me felt like I stared Death in the face and fought him tooth and nail, and I won.
Yes, the big chop was the result of intense pain and frustration, the journey of my hair bears no emotional pain. It however, was the start of a fun journey in the relationship of me and my hair!
This photo depicts what I call "teetering on the brink of sanity". It was the day I took my brothers' razor and literally shaved all my hair off. I was trying to gain control of all the things that was happening in my life, which sad to say I had no control over. This left me with only one option. To take control of the one thing I could at that moment; my hair.
February 18th, 2008 I accompanied my mother to a doctors appointment I forced her to go to. I had attempted and failed to coerce my mother to see a doctor for more than two years. In actuality, my decision to pull out of the Residency Match in 2006 was so I could apply to work in The Bahamas once I graduated medical school. All in an attempt to be closer to mommy and work on her. Why such drastic measures? Well because of certain signs and symptoms my mother exhibited, I feared she had cancer.
This doctors appointment did not soothe my fears but made them worse. At this point I was just sure of it and wallowing in guilt at not being convincing enough to my mother. The thoughts that race in my head started to overwhelm me. "Maybe if I had lied to her and said I wanted her to go with me to be seen by a doctor. Maybe if I had drugged her and dragged her to be seen. Maybe if I paid her money to go and be seen."
February 21st, 2008 my mother was admitted to the hospital for a biopsy. I went into theatre with my mother and my senior, who to this day I feel I owe so much. I had made a promise to this senior, that I would not be the daughter during this ordeal until I had to be the daughter. I would be staunch, and continue being a physician. I tried my best to keep this promise.
Sometime in the days following my mothers biopsy, I got the results before my mother did. I did not tell her as yet, I wanted her doctor to tell her. My mother was told on a Friday morning that she had cancer, and had to go to Nassau (our nations capital) for possible surgery and chemo/radiation. She finally knew what I felt in my gut to be true from 2006. I should have felt relieved of a burden, but my shoulders suddenly felt heavier.
Dr. Erica Cooper daughter of Cynthia Cooper recently diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer couldn't become the supportive daughter. My shoulders felt heavier and heavier as the days went on and plans were being made for travel. I should have felt lighter because now my four brothers knew what I knew and they were there to help. I should have but did not.
The day of my Big Chop came. I no longer remember the exact day or the events leading up to it, I do remember I went to work, I left work and came home. I however, do remember calling Stephen and asking him if I had no hair if he would still love me. This call really wasn't asking for permission. Looking back I think maybe it was a call for help. I felt like I was drowning and turned to the love of my life. Moments after that call my hair lay in the bathroom garbage and I was looking into the eye of a woman I did not recognize.
The big chop gave me what I needed. By shedding my hair I felt like I could handle any and everything. I stood taller, no longer stooped over with the burden of guilt and fear. I felt light and free and stronger. My big chop to me felt like I stared Death in the face and fought him tooth and nail, and I won.
Yes, the big chop was the result of intense pain and frustration, the journey of my hair bears no emotional pain. It however, was the start of a fun journey in the relationship of me and my hair!
